It has been a long time since my last post, and I’m sure that no one has missed this small insignificant part of the blog world. None the less, I feel it is time for me to offer my thoughts on the “Cotton Ceiling” issue. There have been hundreds or even thousands of posts, tweet and comments about this issue. I’m sure that I’m not going to add a single new idea to this, but I need to go on record about my position.
Let me first state that I disagree with the whole idea and motivation for the “Cotton Ceiling”, and I’ll expand on that later. It has taken me a long time to finally write about it, and to be honest, I’ve struggled during my thought processes. Those thoughts have crystallized into something I can articulate. So here goes….
The “Cotton Ceiling” is a harmful concept. As I understand the concept, it was conceived because a group of non and pre-op transgender women didn’t understand why lesbians didn’t want to have sex with them. The trans women argued that if a lesbian was willing to use sex toys that are penetrative, then that lesbian should have no problem with the transgender women’s working penis. The transgender women who forward this idea seem to forget that the use of a penetrative sex toy is light years different from a working penis that is attached to someone. The risk it too high not to be mentioned. There is the risk of STD’s, bodily harm, emotional trauma and pregnancy. None of which is worth just to help someone feel better about themselves.
The transgender women then expand the non acceptance into a belief that the lesbians do not believe that they are real women. Once again, there are light years difference between being accepted as a woman and someone wanting to have penetrative sex with specific person. The two concepts should never have been uttered in the same breath.
The further insult to all women was for these transgender women to then decide that they should get together and create a space to talk about ways to get around this barrier. It is bad for all parties that the creators intended to help. The idea that a group of people would gather to discuss why they are not having sex with another group of people is harmful and intrusive. Under no conceivable notion is it okay to hold a meeting to discuss forcibly or shaming anyone into sex. I can’t repeat this strongly or often enough.
As mammals we are sexual beings, and we have the capacity to decide for ourselves who, what, when and where we exercise that sexual nature. No one has the right to force or shame another being into intimate relationships. Our desires are ours and no one else’s.
I realize that there are plenty of supermarket tabloids and magazines that specialize in helping you to “get” the object of your affection, and there is a lot of money made by the ”Vanity” Industries to facilitate that effort. That doesn’t make it right. Everyone has the right to decide their own sexual experiences.
Over time, everyone evolves and everyone re-evaluates their preferences and attractions. Sometimes it is a minor thing like going from choosing blondes to redheads, and sometimes it can be a big thing like becoming a political lesbian. Either way, it is up to that person and only that person as to how and when that happens.
You have the right to write a book, create a blog or produce a video to state your case as to why others should not discount what you have to offer. You even have the right to host a discussion group. You do not have the right to develop schemes and tactics to force or shame anyone into changing their preferences.
Lastly, when the whole thing blew up about the wrongness of the Cotton Ceiling concept, many people went on the defensive and claims that it wasn’t really about sex at all. They claimed that it was about acceptance. This is just a smoke screen.
While the issue of acceptance is an important issue, it has nothing to do with another persons choice of a sexual partner. There is a whole world of people who I choose not to have sex with and I still accept them for who they are and who they claim to be. Likewise, I have been rejected by a whole world of people who I’m attracted to and they still accept me as the person I am.
There will always be groups of people who will never accept other groups of people. This does not automatically invalidate either group or remove their net worth or their class identity. No one can take away from you who you are. They may choose not to play with you or not invite you home for the holidays, but you will still be you.
The Cotton Ceiling is wrong and harmful on so many levels that I can’t even begin to cover it all. I’m not the first nor will I be that last to write about it. I know that my small little offering will not change anyone’s mind, but here are a few truths that I hold:
- No one has a right to sex, period.
- No one has a right to have sex with anyone that they desire.
- Only you can decide for you and only you.